Byron and I watched the movie “Notting Hill” this morning - neither of us were feeling up to our chores yet. I’d forgotten how much I like this movie - not for some grand philosophical reason, but just because it has that warm fuzzy feeling to it…and I love any movie set in London.

At one point Julia Roberts’ character Anna quotes the beautiful film star Rita Hayworth who said, “Men go to bed with Gilda, and wake up with me.” - alluding to those who said they loved her, but seemed disappointed when they found out that she was not perfect…just a girl - not some kind of flawless goddess.

For me, being the wife of a pastor can often feel like that. I’ve learned the dangers of believing the hype of those who put you too high on a pedestal…and their inevitable disappointment when they become disillusioned at your imperfections. In the ministry, there is always the seduction to perform…to please everyone - all the time. If anyone criticizes you, you must not be serving them properly…or God either. They expect “Gilda” - the fantasy, and they only get a real, flawed, imperfect…girl.

I can’t say I haven’t gotten caught up in the vicious game of trying to be everyone’s ideal of a pastor’s wife - or a christian woman, for that matter. The problem is that the “ideal” is an ever-moving target - like chasing the wind.

Rita Hayworth was beautiful…breathtakingly so - and she spent her life chasing after “love”. She married five times, and said about her life, “All I wanted was just what everybody else wants, you know, to be loved.”

To be loved - for who we really are - is what we all truly desire. But, I’ve learned, that that kind of love and acceptance can never be found in playing the “approval game”. People will always criticize…always find flaws to point out. The truth is that when someone puts expectations upon you, their expectations have more to do with their own issues, than with anything you can do or be to make them love you.

So, watching a simple movie like “Notting Hill” reminded me again to fight the draw to try to be viewed as…good…popular…beautiful…perfect. We all have to recognize our limitations, but embrace the grace to know that we can be more - if we don’t believe what others who don’t really love us have to say. Somewhere between the flattery and the discouragement - that’s where the truth lies: the truth of who we really are. All of the extremes are just pointless distractions…

…like chasing the wind. If that doesn’t seem pointless, then just wait ’til the next windy day, and spend it running around trying to catch it…the wind. If you do, it won’t take long before all you’ll have to show for it is a wind-burn and some very tired, very empty arms.

Our arms were meant for greater things than that.

Think about it.

Peace.