So, I haven’t really felt like blogging…not sure why - just not feeling it.

Anyway, “Happy Wednesday”…sorry, I missed it. “Happy Valentine’s Day”…Byron did a good job of making me feel special. And…sorry for not blogging. I have no excuses…

…except that I’ve been thinking a lot lately…mainly, about trust.

I keep thinking that I need to trust God more - and that’s just a given - of course I do, I’m finite and it’s an infinite concept to trust an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, sovereign God - when I am none of those things, but that’s where the trust comes in….because I’m none of those things.

I need to trust God more not just in the big things, but in the little, petty things that I often tell myself He cares nothing about. I also need to stop worrying that I can’t handle whatever comes my way…duh! Of course I can’t handle it - I’ve proven that over and over…’til I’m a basket case for all my trying. Again, that’s where the trust comes in.

When I was younger, I was so much better at the whole trust thing. I trusted God so easily, I trusted everyone around me…even those who didn’t really deserve it….and I even trusted myself - I felt strong and optimistic so much of the time. On trips, I used to say to Byron, “How lost could we possibly get? The world is round, after all!” or if people threatened us , I’d say, “What’s the worse that could happen. They can only kill us once!” or… “We’re moving again? I can be packed in 4 days!”

I was full of “emphatic proclamations” of my idealism of how the world should be and how I was sure people would act….even me.

I don’t make quite as many proclamations any more. But, I am more sure of a some things. I am more discriminating….much more about who I take into my confidence now. But I don’t trust as easily. Not others. Not myself. And sometimes, not even God. Becoming more guarded with others can lead to that if I’m not careful.

Boundaries are a great and healthy thing, don’t get me wrong. (For instance, boundaries are far better than the idealism - nice word for it - that caused me to stand in my doorway, 7 months pregnant with a toddler in my arms, telling the strapping 6 ft. 2, door-to-door magazine salesman that he’d have to come back after five when my husband was home….!!!!). Like I said, I trusted everyone. Not now. Not anymore. Boundaries come much easier….trust, not so much.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been thinking about - as I’ve not been blogging. Now I just have to do the work of not just thinking about it…or talking about it, but actually putting it more into practice.

Trust…and exercise - my two new resolutions. Wonder which one will be tougher? We’ll see…

…one day at a time, right?

Peace.