I think God is needing to continually remind me to be sensitive to others around me. I know this because I’ve been so tempted lately to concentrate on my own difficulties and struggles. I ask myself, “Why me?” - I begin to see everything from the negative perspective. The only thing that seems to help when I start thinking like this is to make myself focus on others: their needs, their difficulties. Getting my eyes off myself is the only remedy.

God has seen fit to allow many challenges over the past few years - and, lately, I’ve felt myself feeling like, “What’s the point? I think God just doesn’t like me very much.” For me, struggling with depression can lead to a vicious cycle of self-centeredness.

There are so many people facing hardships right now. The housing market, gas prices, company downsizing - so many are suffering. And then I see those who try to profit from the vulnerability of those facing hardship. Sometimes it seems like those who take advantage will continue come out on top…

There’s only one thing that helps me when I begin to feel hopeless about the condition of the world around me. I have to focus on others and try to be different than those who only care about their own success. There are plenty of people who face greater challenges than I have faced. There are countless stories of those who are worse-off than I. I just have to open my heart and really see them.

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I had some things…dreams that I just had to let go. I won’t say that I didn’t tell myself, “Why am I having to let go of this too - I’m tired of letting go…tired of telling myself to just be content…just tired.” I know it doesn’t sound very spiritual to admit that I didn’t just immediately say to myself, “Okay, well, that’s not what I would prefer, but God is in control.”

I can be very argumentative at times - when I was little my parents told me I really should consider being a lawyer so at least I could make a living off of my argumentative tendencies…but I digress.

Anyway, so I argued with God all day, then wrestled with my feelings of frustration toward certain “profit mongers” all night (dreaming of exposing them like a taller version of Erin Brockovich). I woke up this morning angry and still having a gigantic pity-party.

Then Byron put me in the car - to “get coffee” which is code for “get me out of the house so maybe I’ll snap out of my funk and channel my negative energy into something positive…and take a shower.” (okay, so maybe he didn’t think it through that much, but if any of these things happened it’s a win/win).

As we drove around, I noticed all the “For Sale” signs…again. Only this time I thought about how each of those families could be feeling. I wondered if they had had to let go of some dreams…if they were feeling hopeless and taken advantage of.

Then I saw a little boy.

He was standing in front of an overturned laundry basket with assorted toys on top and a sign that said, “Toys for Sale”. I started crying. I said, “Byron, give him some money…please.” Byron didn’t have any cash on him, but he was already heading toward the ATM. As we drove there, I rambled on about all the scenarios that could’ve motivated this little boy to sell his toys…until I couldn’t talk any more. I told Byron not to just give him the money, but to buy something…just the smallest thing he had to sell. So, Byron got out and talked to the boy, and returned with two little cars that he was selling for a dollar each…Byron gave him $20.

As we drove away, the little boy was jumping up and down and clapping. And I was tempted to think negatively about how it didn’t really change anything…

…but it did change me.

So, I started thinking about how maybe God lets me suffer so that I can feel the suffering of others. Maybe he knows that if my heart is already broken, and I’m struggling not to cry, then I will reach out to others who have that same look in their eyes. I can recognize brokenness because I too am broken…

Maybe.

So, maybe these struggles are just another gift from God. Maybe He wants me to argue for those who don’t have a voice and fight for those who don’t have it in them to fight anymore…

Maybe.

Just a thought.

Peace.