I was thinking today about how I used to thrive on change…it gave me something to look forward to - it was like an adventure…

When I was little, I loved storms - even the threat of a hurricane.  It was exciting, even if I should’ve been scared…even if I was scared.

Now, as an adult, it’s not so fun anymore.  Now, the storms just represent stress, possible damage, inconvenience….exhaustion.

It’s the same with the tumultuous seasons of life.  The things that used to be so easy for me to face head on, now just make me weary.  I guess I’m just not as strong as I thought I was…I’m not invincible like I believed I was in the storms of my childhood and early adulthood.

Life is hard…sometimes just breathing can be where you wage the war.  In the Psalms, David says, “…I will not be shaken!” in one breath and “…give light to my eyes, oh Lord, or I sleep in death” in another.

David understood the fragility of life…of hope.

Of course, he ends all of his songs with some version of “yet will I praise Him”, so he also understood that we will never fully grasp the ways of God - we may never understand “why”, but we praise Him anyway.

We praise God for who He is…not for our finite understanding of what He does…or doesn’t do.

I guess I just needed to see my hands type these words...to remember.

John the Baptist was willing to die for his beliefs, and still asked for some confirmation…some comfort:  “Ask Him if He is the Christ…or should we look for another…”

Sometimes just breathing is where you wage the war…

…and you know what they say about war…

Blogging on a Monday usually doesn’t bode well for me…I’d love to say that tonight will be different - but, I’ve just been in a mood lately. Tomorrow I have to go to the doctor (who will yell at me) and the dentist (who will yell at me)…and neither of those will help with my current state of mind.

I have nothing in particular to complain about…there’s no specific reason for my “mood”…except for maybe sleep deprivation. I’ve been having nightmares, so sleeping is not my favorite thing to do these days. Some say you work out “subconscious issues” through your dreams - others say it’s coincidence…or maybe it’s just too much green tea…

I’ve always had vivid dreams - I can still remember a recurring nightmare I had when I was 4-5 years old…I had it over and over during that year. It involved my parents leaving me on a curb and driving off laughing…(no issues of abandonment there right?). Then there was the one where a life-sized doll that looked like me - except bald - chases me all night trying to cut off my hair (didn’t get too much sleep during that phase either). And I won’t even get in to my “dark lake dreams” or how the winding dirt road home from the bus stop would turn into a forest that had no end…

I know, yikes! But, they’re only dreams…they shouldn’t affect my reality, right?

I guess the thing that bothers me is that I rarely have good dreams…at least I rarely remember them if I do.

As a child I day dreamed constantly. Everyone of my report cards said the same thing: “Angie has great potential, but she day dreams far too much!”

I still day dream, it’s just the night time dreams that seem to be a problem…

…but I digress - and digress - and digress again.

So, there you go and there you are…maybe just acknowledging it will help. Maybe I was meant to have crazy, vivid dreams so that I can see things from a different…crazy/beautiful/different perspective. I mean, most nights, I’m just so glad to wake up, it’s no wonder that I have a desperate need to photograph the sky and every tree, flower and bird that crosses my path.

stops in a day dream...

Maybe my nightmares make me appreciate my day dreams…maybe.

Or maybe I just need to drink less green tea.

Peace…and sweet dreams…