I’ve been reminded again that the more you love, the more there is the potential for hurt.  It’s just the way life is:  Love more, hurt more, but love less and life’s pain becomes pointless anyway.

Last night, my little baby dog, Sugarboy, was completely lifeless and unresponsive - and the worst part is that my 9 year old son discovered him and brought his little still body to me as he cried hysterically…..

Driving to the after-hours pet ER was a nightmare!  Byron was trying to fly home, but was stuck on a plane for an hour and a half as three engineers tried to change one florescent light bulb.  Ashley held Sugarboy on the way and had to deal with his seizures…..and with me crying uncontrollably.

I wasn’t just upset because I love my sweet little dog - although I do love him, and I know there has never ever been a sweeter, more loving dog on this earth - but, I was crying because holding my little dog, thinking he was dead…or at least dying, was so traumatizing to me that I found myself thinking, “What if this were my child?…..what if something like this happens to one of them?….I’ll die…I just will!”.

It was these thoughts - remembering how his little body felt - so eerily still, like a doll - that I just couldn’t block out.  And it was because of these thoughts that I couldn’t be consoled…..and was still crying when I got up at 6 this morning.

Of course, they wouldn’t even begin to treat him until I paid them the first of several payments that I knew we couldn’t afford.  I was able to give them enough money to get him hooked up to an IV and given fluids and glucose through the night, but they understood that I couldn’t afford any “drastic intervention”.

He did make it through the night.  They called him “somewhat stable” and told us to go to our regular Vet - who didn’t open for two hours….

…during that two hours he went downhill again.  So, when the Vet opened he was back on IV….

Everyone has suggested we take him to a “Specialist Vet” office, but also has said that would run in the thousands - so that’s not a possibility.  The last time I saw him, he looked better….seemed to want me to take him home…had even walked around some.  But he still won’t eat and keep it down, so we’re not getting our hopes up.

I just don’t want him to suffer….

…..and that’s the point, isn’t it?  We never want anyone…or thing that we love to suffer…ever!  Only in life, sometimes we feel so helpless to prevent it or stop it from happening.

So we are vulnerable…..we love and we become more and more vulnerable every day.

Mother Teresa wrote:  “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
I believe this, of course we also have to acknowledge that deep love can often lead to deep pain….and hurt.  It’s just that if loving leads to hurt, then it’s a hurt worth risking.

There will always be pain in life.  Sometimes it seems like there is just pain after pain with little relief - But the things…the ones that we love, truly and deeply…even if it’s just a little tiny “purse” dog who has comforted you when you’ve been sick - these ones make the pain of life worth enduring.  Even if it seems like there’s no way through it.

I wrote recently that I think there is no one more vulnerable than a parent - and I believe that even more after the past 22 hours…

I still keep thinking, “What if……”  But, it’s the way of life.  We learn these lessons, and some lessons we seem to have to keep learning over and over - Lessons like, “Love people while you can because we never know what tomorrow will bring.” And when that love makes us more open to pain, we just need to focus on the love…..to save it for the days when we will need to remember.

Because that love will make us stronger, not weaker, even if it can bring the opportunity for great pain.

I’m not a very strong person physically - it takes very little to knock me off my feet as far as my health is concerned.  But I love strong - I love deeply and without limits, and although this has caused me to feel excruciating pain at times, it has also given me a strength that my physical body could never provide.

That’s true for everyone:  To love is our greatest strength.  It is what makes us human and when we are the closest to being divine.

So, I will try not to fear this vulnerability that loving brings.  “Perfect love casts out all fear”, after all.

I know my little Sugarboy would want it that way….for everyone to love.  And I know God does too, because He first loved us.  Even when it seems like maybe He’s forgotten about us, He sees and He knows.

So, love each other a little more tonight.  For we truly never know what tomorrow will bring.

Peace to you all.