Tag Archive for 'blogging'Page 2 of 7

Where’s my Stradivarius?

This Friday it will have been a year since I wrote my first blog.

Now, almost a year later, I’m feeling very…blogless. I’m beginning to wonder if this may have served its purpose.

I know there’s a season for everything, and maybe my season is coming to an end.

I don’t know. We’ll see…

It’s been such a comfort to me - such an outlet. I’ve developed friendships and learned more about the world around me….and more about myself. But, lately I’ve spent a lot of time trying to write, only to erase it or save it as a “draft” (which is where my posts really go to die…). Should it be so hard? I don’t know.

I do know there are worse problems to have…there are bigger life-issues to ponder.

But, for now, I think I’m just weary…

I don’t even know what I’m weary of - just a little weary. I have no explanation. It’s just where I am…the season I’m in now…

Maybe I’m just defensive…maybe insecure. Maybe it’s because it seems like it’s easy for me to spill my guts on a regular basis, but there’s never been a post that I haven’t second-guessed…not one. Maybe I wonder what it would be like to be “anonymous” or anything but a big, too-tall, too-blond, loud-mouthed “open book”. Maybe I’ll just decide to be shy, or retiring, or demure…or fragile. (I really am quite fragile - there I go again spilling my guts!…) Seriously, I should join some kind of support group!

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll smile all the time, never over-react, and speak in soft, feminine tones…Maybe I’ll become a petite, brunette, demure…I don’t know…violinist! Whatever…just the total opposite of the kind of pastor’s wife that gets mistaken for an attendee of a motorcycle convention…

Oh well, old habits die hard…it’s obvious that I’m not going to change my “wearing it all on my sleeve” ways any time soon.

So, there’s my thoughts for the day in a nutshell. I’ll just try to refrain from “bedazzling” said nutshell…

Who am I kidding? Everything looks better with sparkles!!

But, I digress…

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on May 13, 2008
in life, life lessons and random
. 0 Comments

On a Monday

There are many things I probably shouldn’t do on a Monday…top of the list is blogging. I shouldn’t do anything that requires coherent thought, or any semblance of rationale….(or the use of “normal” words that make sense…but I digress).

I tend to use large and inane words when I’m exhausted…I also tend to ramble and talk in circles - hence the reason for my hesitancy to blog…

…but here I am blogging.

Oh well, I should at least attempt to write something meaningful.

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head lately - there is so much to process. Byron’s book is coming out soon, and it’s so weird to think of even a little of our story being put down in print for the world to read - especially since I haven’t even worked through all that’s happened over the past couple of years my own self…

But that’s the way it is with ministry - you have to deal with things as they arise…often right in front of an audience. It can be brutal, at times…but you have no choice but to walk through it. There’s no way around…only through.

So, in retrospect, I wish I had possessed more grace. I wish I had not let things “get to me” or even, at times, get the best of me. I wish I had been a better example of peace. I wish I had not let my children see me angry. I wish I hadn’t struggled so much with what others think. I wish I had been a better support to Byron. I wish I hadn’t been so rebellious at times…

Oh well, there can always be a long list of wishes on a Monday. For me, it just goes with the day.

But, overall, I’m okay. It’s Monday (not my favorite day) and I’m okay. It’s May (not my favorite month) and I’m okay. I’m alright and tomorrow I’ll be even better…and next month, better than that.

So it’s all good.

And that’s good enough…especially on a Monday.

peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on May 12, 2008
in life, life lessons and random
. 0 Comments

Waiting on the Shoreline

I guess I need to have some kind of “breakthrough” when it comes to blogging.

It used to be so easy. I used to just start typing and the words would come like a flood…

I’m not sure what’s happened - I guess I’ve just kind of lost the love. I do wish it would return - this past year of blogging has been invaluable to me. It’s been therapy - a refuge and release. I’m just not feeling it anymore…

The funny thing is that I still do all of my same routine…I still check my stats, then moderate any comments, then go down my toolbar and read what everyone else has written. I still act like I’m “all in” in blogland…

But, it’s not the same. I don’t want to write - I don’t need to or my day just isn’t complete. I feel like I should write, but it’s more obligatory than it once was.

I guess it’s like any long-term relationship - with it’s ebbs and flows - I’m just waiting for the tide to come back to shore.

Meanwhile, there’s lots of interesting stuff to see on the shoreline…and there’s always the beautful sunset to look forward to…

Anyway, I guess my love for blogging will come back when it’s ready. I do miss it so…

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on April 22, 2008
in blogging, life and random
. 0 Comments

I Should Write a Poem…or go play marbles.

Robert Frost says, “Being a poet is a condition, not a profession.” I understand this. Wanting to write…actually, needing to write can feel like a weight that presses upon me until I just give in and pour out my soul. So, tonight when I try to sleep - if I haven’t written some inane thing or another - the words will roll around in my head like marbles…

The thing is, when I’m in a poetry kind of mood, I rarely feel like writing down whatever is in my head. It’s like the worst possible time to write…to talk, even. I should take a vow of silence when I’m feeling poetic…or at least offer free anti-depressants to all of my readership before they are subjected to my musings.

So, I’m torn. Maybe I’ll just write a poem and never publish it…just keep it to myself. I have hoards of old poetry in boxes around the house already anyway…what’s one more?

…I’m still fighting it - this condition of mine - for the sanity of the masses, I will fight against the rolling marbles…

You’re welcome…Happy Wednesday.

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on March 26, 2008
in blogging, friends, life, poetry, quotes and random
. 0 Comments