Tag Archive for 'forgiveness'

The Remains…

…i shouldn’t be writing - i should be cleaning, or resting or anything but writing…

It’s just been one of those mornings…difficult, and I don’t even really know why.  I found it hard to sing this morning…hard to give…hard to love…harder to forgive.

There’s just a lot of junk in my mind…..usually Sunday mornings overshadow all the distractions - I guess I’m just in a funk…a selfish kind of funk. I feel a little more like just sitting around and licking my wounds than what I really should be doing…

And lunch has been a domestic disaster…sorry Barry.  I fixed lunch to celebrate Barry O’s 23rd (Happy, Happy!), and proceeded to drop a glass pan of enchiladas all over the floor…burning myself and Ashley in the process (sorry Ashley!)…

Then, when it was time for cake, discovered that the ICE CREAM cake had been inadvertently placed in the fridge rather than the freezer……..

….you do the math!

So, I’m sitting here waiting for the cake to refreeze…I guess I’ve got a good hour or so at least.

Oh well, Happy Birthday Barry - my heart was in the right place even if I’m no Martha Stewart…

The house will be full of people in just a few hours…hence the necessity to clean (especially after dropping dinner and melting dessert!)…but, I just feel a little weary….

I don’t really know why this morning was hard…I do know that I need to get over myself - and I know that witnessing people getting baptized is a great way for me to do that.  I can sulk later….

…tomorrow’s Monday, after all - the perfect day for sulking.

But, I won’t today - not on Sunday.  Not with my C3 family.  Not on Barry’s birthday…

Not when I’m celebrating what God has done in lives…..

There’s plenty of time for the junk on another day.

So..not today.

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on September 28, 2008
in church, faith, forgiveness, friends, life, love and sunday
. 9 Comments

The Remains of the Day…

It was nice to be back at home at C3…

I’m ready to just be “at home” for a little while.  This morning was good.  Byron spoke about forgiveness…which is also what I heard last Sunday in Nashville - I guess I’ve got some work to do in that area (Ya think?!).  It’s definitely a daily struggle, at times.

I sang, “None but Jesus“, and for some reason find it hard to sing that particular song…it’s a bad key for me or something…

But, this morning - especially in the second service - I could hear the people singing along with me (sometimes that’s hard to do in the theaters… the acoustics seem to throw sound the other direction), anyway, I could hear the song of the people and it lifted me somehow…gave me strength to sing a song that my heart loves, but my voice…not so much.

It’s amazing how the energy in the room affects me.  I’ve been totally deflated by the room when it’s “cold” and unresponsive, no matter how the music turns out - but, I can be so lifted by feeling the Spirit and knowing people are with me as I worship…even if I’m having a bad day.

My back held out through both services, so that was great.  Then, after lunch, I got a short - but deep - nap…one of those where you aren’t sure where you are when you wake up….and no migraines yet today.  So, all in all - it’s been a banner Sunday.

It was just great to be back with my peeps again…it’s always good to come home.

C3 is for me….

Thanks to all of you who “invest and invite” to make it all possible…you’ll never know what your sacrifices mean. :-)

Peace to you all.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on September 21, 2008
in church, faith, forgiveness, life, music and sunday
. 2 Comments

Only a Glance…

So, a year ago today I wrote a post called “Letting Go“…

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year, in some ways - in others it seems like a lifetime ago. I can still feel what I felt back then - I can feel it in seconds, if I choose to. Lately, I have been just not choosing to…

They say that if you drive for very long staring into the rear-view mirror, you’ll end up in a head-on collision. That’s true when it comes to the pain of the past, as well. You can glance in the mirror, occasionally, but you can’t let it distract you from what’s coming up ahead.

In so many ways letting go, for me, is a constant process - a constant discipline of the will. I’ve had to discover and develop a whole new set of boundaries in which the approval of others gets only a fleeting nod…not my full attention. It’s hard to not care what others say about you…to not stick your finger in the wind to see how it blows: for you or against.

But, there’s real freedom in some losses…

So, today, the lessons of the past will get a fleeting glance from me…just a glance - an acknowledgement of whatever I learned by experiencing and embracing my losses. Just a glance - a brief remembrance, and nothing more.

Because the pain is not what has shaped me - but the working through it…and the letting go.

A year ago I wrote, “My heart is broken, but my spirit is free…”. It’s still true today that there are things that break my heart, but still allow for greater freedom …freedom from my past and all of the things I’ve had to let go.

There’s a reason why the rear-view mirror is so much smaller than the windshield…

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on May 22, 2008
in life and life lessons
. 0 Comments

On a Monday

There are many things I probably shouldn’t do on a Monday…top of the list is blogging. I shouldn’t do anything that requires coherent thought, or any semblance of rationale….(or the use of “normal” words that make sense…but I digress).

I tend to use large and inane words when I’m exhausted…I also tend to ramble and talk in circles - hence the reason for my hesitancy to blog…

…but here I am blogging.

Oh well, I should at least attempt to write something meaningful.

I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head lately - there is so much to process. Byron’s book is coming out soon, and it’s so weird to think of even a little of our story being put down in print for the world to read - especially since I haven’t even worked through all that’s happened over the past couple of years my own self…

But that’s the way it is with ministry - you have to deal with things as they arise…often right in front of an audience. It can be brutal, at times…but you have no choice but to walk through it. There’s no way around…only through.

So, in retrospect, I wish I had possessed more grace. I wish I had not let things “get to me” or even, at times, get the best of me. I wish I had been a better example of peace. I wish I had not let my children see me angry. I wish I hadn’t struggled so much with what others think. I wish I had been a better support to Byron. I wish I hadn’t been so rebellious at times…

Oh well, there can always be a long list of wishes on a Monday. For me, it just goes with the day.

But, overall, I’m okay. It’s Monday (not my favorite day) and I’m okay. It’s May (not my favorite month) and I’m okay. I’m alright and tomorrow I’ll be even better…and next month, better than that.

So it’s all good.

And that’s good enough…especially on a Monday.

peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on May 12, 2008
in life, life lessons and random
. 0 Comments