Tag Archive for 'forgiveness'Page 3 of 3

Sick Days Are Like Snow Days (without the fun in the snow)

Maybe it’s just because I’m sick. Maybe it’s because I’ve slept - I mean deep, weird-dream, kind of sleep - more in the past 12 hours than I probably did all of last week. Maybe it’s because our Internet was down this morning and all that was on t.v. was “Bad Girls Club” and Jerry Springer (that’s enough to make anyone crazy!).

But, whatever it is I’m feeling agitated today. I’m thinking of things I haven’t thought about in a while - people and events that needed to be processed…worked through. I’m thinking of “friends” who plead ignorance and neutrality when there was nothing about my life that allowed for either - and my true friends had to decide if I really mattered to them…no matter what. of course, very few did - but at least I found out who I could count on.

Maybe it’s why I’m sick - my body, my mind is saying that there are still things I’m refusing to confront and deal with. Or maybe I’m just worn out and tired of thinking of all of it to begin with. I don’t really know, but whatever the deal is, I’m thinking a lot today - and most of it is not too fun.

So, I’ll do this today, but tomorrow I’ll think only happy, healthy thoughts…

and I’ll plan for the time when I can get back on my feet and hang out with my friends.

Isn’t it a gift that I know exactly who they are? I think so.

I know so.

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on January 28, 2008
in friends, life and random
. 0 Comments

One More Time…

I woke up thinking about forgiveness…or rather, my dreams reminded me of things I need to forgive…again. Dreams are funny like that - just when you think you’ve dealt with something, dreams have a way of unearthing the stuff you’ve just kind of buried.

Some people say that it’s easier to forgive than to forget, but I often feel like I can forget things…or at least put them out of my consciousness - like they never existed. But then, something will bring them back to the surface. At that point, my tendency is to just bury it again - it kind of sounds spiritual, like I’m choosing to “remember no more” the offenses against me. The problem is that burying it - putting it out of my mind can often really just be not really dealing with it…not really forgiving either.

That’s what I wanted to do this morning. I wanted to so badly…just say like Scarlett O’Hara, “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.” (I got my middle name from Vivien Leigh…and more than that from Scarlett, I’m afraid…”fiddle-dee-dee”)

If I just forget it, I don’t have to feel it…or forgive it either. But, Scarlett had to face the reality and brutality of war eventually…and so must I.

Mark Twain writes, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.”

That doesn’t sound very strong. But, being “crushed” is not where the strength lies. It lies in the “fragrance” that comes after the crushing - that’s the choice…that’s where the discipline is required.

Luke says:

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” (Luke 7:47)

That’s me - the one who has been forgiven over and over. So, what can I do except to do the same. Love demands it. How I forgive isn’t based on my feelings for the other person, but rather on my love for my Savior…

So, this is my journey today.

I’m unpacking Christmas boxes, and thinking about how things have changed over all the years that I’ve been unpacking these boxes…and how much I’ve changed, too.

I just need to remember that the fragrance of the violet is a reflection of the One who created it…it doesn’t have to reflect the unkindness of the one who crushes it.

A while back I wrote that “peacefulness is more beautiful than beauty that’s not at peace”…

Some things are easier to think than to do. But, the struggle will lead me home...

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on November 27, 2007
in life, life lessons, quotes and random
. 0 Comments

Fixing My Eyes

I’m thinking, tonight, about forgiveness…about letting go and moving forward.

I’m thinking about how bitterness can keep you stuck, like quick-sand - the more you fight and struggle, the more you sink.

I’ve felt bogged down in the mire of hurt and un-forgiveness…many times. And many times I’ve had to renew my resolve to look ahead, not behind…or even down at my present predicament.

I suppose it’s innate to the human condition to focus on what is…or what seems to be, rather than what lies ahead - to lose sight of the possible while running a constant mental list of the impossibilities.

But, peace comes after the letting go, and the rescuing comes after the surrender.

So, I choose to look forward…”forgetting what lies behind, I fix my eyes on the Author and Finisher of my faith”.

And what the Enemy means to use to harm me, I will surrender to God to use for His good. There is no room for bitterness in that.

I’ve had four babies - so I know what it means to “fix my eyes”, to focus on the goal and not the pain. It’s a choice of the will.

Many times my strength fails me, when I notice the “quick-sand”, when I feel the pain - and, it’s then that my struggle can cause me to look down. But, there’s no safety there…no peace, only panic.

It is in these times of struggle that I remember - “Fix your eyes. Look ahead. Let go. Be still. Forgive…surrender…know peace.” Then comes the rescue.

And I am freed to run to my Rescuer and make His mercy mine.

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on October 5, 2007
in faith, life lessons, mercy and peace
. 0 Comments