Tag Archive for 'life lessons'

Whispers of God…

picture-60 Yeah, that’s Kayleigh’s car…..

What this picture can’t show is how hard it’s been for Kayleigh…for all of us, to get past the accident.  Each of us for different reasons.  Mine is in the pondering….the pondering of all the variables that could have made the wreck have a different outcome.

Of course, the “outcome” we would all choose is that it never happened at all.  But, beyond that….

Wondering…knowing that if Kayleigh had been speeding, if it hadn’t just quit raining so she was being more careful…if she had been driving our old Excursion instead of her little compact car, the outcome could have been drastically different for all of us.

Sure, I wished she had been in an SUV when I saw her car, but after I knew that there was no way she could have avoided hitting this man on a bicycle (who was weaving across a six lane state road during rush hour), I also knew that he would, most likely, be dead - and my daughter, who had done nothing wrong, but instead done “everything right”, would have had to live with that forever.

I’m also pondering those horrible “what ifs” like what if she hadn’t worn her seatbelt, what if she hadn’t put on a hoodie (miraculous since it was 90+ that day!) which protected her eyes, face and arms, and the worst one:

What if the man had hit her car only about an inch lower - hitting the glass rather than the metal stripping above it?

picture-55

Looking at the glass that shot across the car and the large pieces pointing inward,  it’s fair to say that if he had hit the windshield just an inch or two lower, he would have come through it.  Then, rather than saying it was “a traumatic and unnecessary accident”, we wouldn’t just be mourning the loss of the man’s life….but of Kayleigh’s as well.

In life, there are always a million variables - a million little and large happenings that can range from mundane to life altering.  Sometimes it’s so hard to see God’s hand…to know that He hears us, but, this accident reminded me that there are always ways to hear the whispers of God, we just have to be willing to hear them - even in the midst of the storm.

I hear them, of course, when I look at my daughter, who after having hundreds of tiny pieces of glass explode around her, wasn’t blinded, but instead, has only one scratch.

I hear them in the fact that she was cold (in the summer!) so she put on a hoodie before getting in a sweltering car at 4:45 pm in the day.

I hear them in the fact that this man may have been trying to take his own life, and God spared it.  By letting my daughter experience a trauma, to lose sleep, to have nightmares…to feel guilty about something she didn’t do wrong - by allowing her to go through this, knowing she would still praise Him, God surely spared this man because of how small her car is and how careful she was to try to avoid him.  He used her tears and trauma to save him.

I hear them in the fact that she doesn’t have to live with being involved in the death of another human being or even seriously injuring him.

I hear them….those whispers.  Even in my anger at why God would let this happen at all…..and why to my daughter who loves Him so much?

I don’t have the answers.  I just have to make myself listen….listen…..and then, listen again.

We’ll be okay, I know this, my daughter and me….all of us around her - we’ll get through the sleepless nights and all the “what ifs”.

And, then, the next time someone enters a season that seems so random, so senseless, we can say, “I understand.” or maybe “I can never understand a loss like that, but you can tell your frustrations, your ‘what ifs’ and ‘whys’ to me…I won’t judge.”

picture-52 This experience has reminded me of many things, but one thing I’ve become keenly aware of is that I don’t know if there is anyone more vulnerable than a parent.  They are our “achilles heel”.  I can be as stubborn, as immovable as I want to be - I can say confidently “You can’t hurt me!”, but then I have these four children…….and I know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them - that I am only as happy as my most unhappy child.

Some silly love songs throw around the phrase “I would die for you”, but it would be redundant for a parent to say that because it’s just a fact.  If I could have taken Kayleigh’s place in this situation….or any of my kids in any situation, I know I would have.  A million times, I would have.

It’s why it seems so wrong when a child dies before its parents - because it’s against the laws of nature…..it just should never be.

So, I was reminded of how fragile life can be - and how fragile mine is as a mom….it hangs on the every breath of my little ones - no matter who “big” they get. It’s just the way it is.

Because it’s how it should be.

And I thank God for letting me have my first-born “little one” for just a while longer.

I thank Him so much for that - and for all of His whispers…….and for the fact that the whispers of God would still be there even if He had chosen for that not to be the case.

Especially then.

Peace.

Good Thing…

So, I know I need to blog…not just out of obligation…I really do NEED to blog.

…and I’ve had so many thoughts lately.  But, when your husband - prize “fighter”, type-A, first born…English Mastiff of the human world - says, “Oh, yeah well, maybe you should just sleep on that blog…” after you tell him your thoughts, well, you think twice!

So, here I am…thinking twice.

And, that thinking involves a lot of pondering the goodness of God…instead of pondering the stupidity of others…..it’s just that they are both so overwhelming in their abundance!! :-)

I’m so often tempted to want to defend myself…my ministry…my church….the vision of my church….our passion.  Especially when I read statements (of the somewhat negative “persuasion”) about our “style” of ministry from others…..

But, instead, I’m trying tonight to remember….yesterday.  Sometimes that’s hard for me to do on a Monday…it wouldn’t seem so, since it’s only been 24 hours…but still.

You see, yesterday:

  • I woke up before the sun to get to C3....the only day of the week that I would be excited to be up so early!
  • I was greeted at the theater our church calls home by countless volunteers who had arrived much earlier than I - already putting in hours of work by the time I strolled in with my “Starbuck” in hand…
  • I practiced with the band - songs like “The Time has Come”, “Cannons”, “Sing My Love”……and “Stronger” - none of which are vacant of the majesty and wonder of God…or the person of Jesus Christ.  (Look ‘em up!)
  • I heard Byron preach…from the Word of God - straightforward yet, applicable….and from the Old Testament!!
  • I watched as lives were changed….8 adults praying to receive Christ as their personal savior.
  • I saw little children running to go to learn about Jesus…happy….the diversity among them staggering.
  • I saw a “sea” of Black, White, Asian, Hispanic…a tapestry of colors reflected in the faces.
  • I witnessed C3 members picking up “Feed the Children” boxes to deliver to families in need - many of these members struggling themselves under the weight of these economic times.
  • I welcomed other couples into my home for “Community Group”….and heard stories that made me weep.
  • I sat across from couples who were completely “unchurched” just months ago….listening to them discuss scripture!
  • I went to bed worn out, but humbled by such a day….to be surrounded by such a people….such a church as C3.
  • I went to sleep reminded of the awesomeness of God.

And, as I focus on these things….

…as I list them out - and there are so many others from just ONE DAY….

I can’t seem to remember what I was so bent out of shape about….something about the stupidity of….I can’t recall……

Oh well, must not have been that important after all!

Isn’t God great like that?

I guess I just needed to remember…

…good thing He’s more gracious to me than I am to others at times.

Peace.

Knowing Him Best…

So, last week this was on mind mind.  Today I’ve been thinking about another important (as I see it) part of marriage…

As a mother, I pride myself in knowing my children.  I feel like I know them better than anyone else…maybe even better than they know themselves - especially when they’re young.  But, as they grow, I realize the day will come when there will be another who will know them like no one else:  the one they will share their life with…their soul mate.

Now, as a wife, I take the same pride in knowing my husband better than anyone else does.  It should be one of my top priorities.

There should be no one - no woman at work, friend from childhood, or even family member -  that knows him, really knows him…down deep, the way that I know him.

I need to know him - inside and out - what really makes him tick…his dreams, his fears, his strongest strengths and weakest weaknesses….

…there should be no one else who can be to him what I can be - because I know him like no one else on earth.

But, this process takes time.  It also takes a whole lot of effort and trust.  He must feel safe that he can be real with me - with no harsh criticism or fear of my using his transparency against him.  It’s hard to “know him” if I don’t put him first.

So, try something a little different tonight - we, as women, have a whole lot of words…way more than men have - let’s try to use those words to:  ask questions, listen to his answers, speak encouragingly, praise…praise…praise, and make him know that he can do and be anything he puts his mind to.

Women love to change men - we’re wired to want to do this.  But, most men don’t want to be changed - they just want to be the best they can be - and love, encouragement, and support are how they get there.

We have so much power, as women…so much influence - God has gifted us with this.  We just need to know how to use it to empower the men in our lives.

After all, if I don’t know my soul mate….who will?

Peace.

Putting him first…

In light of my anniversary - almost two decades…ouch! - I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers, by any means, but I guess I can share some things that I’ve learned, most often the hard way…

So, today I was thinking back to how difficult it was when my kids were little.  I’ve often said that having a newborn and a toddler in the same house is…well, it’s exhausting.  There are seasons in life - and dealing with children, at any stage, can take a toll on the most important relationship under the roof:  your marriage.

I think, as mothers, we often feel a little guilty if we let our little ones think for even a moment that they aren’t the “main attraction”.  Don’t get me wrong, a newborn will always be the center of attention - as they should be - but this is a “season”.  The danger lies in when, as our children grow, we don’t nurture our husbands with the same attention and care as we do our children.

When my four kids were little - my youngest is now seven, so he still qualifies in my book - but, when they were all little…and being home-schooled - and I was at home with them ALL DAY…EVERY DAY, I had to fight the tendency to meet Byron at the door with “his kids” that were now “his problem” since he had had the good fortune to sit in an office with adults all day….no doubt listening to soothing jazz music and eating fabulous, exotic foods whilst someone fanned him with palm frans…but I digress.

Anyway, I had to discipline myself to understand that he had his own set of stresses, and the most important thing to do when we came back together at the end of the day, was to love him…to love him enough to put him first.  And, at the same time, teach my children that putting my marriage first was also for their benefit as well.  After all, loving their dad is loving them….

…and love wins.

So, the more stressful your day has been - whether working at home, or outside the home - try a different kind of stress reduction.  Just when he expects to get the laundry list of your day, surprise him:  smile, listen, speak softly, pay attention to what he needs in that moment, make him feel safe….put him first.

And, husbands, just imagine how the evening could be if you returned the favor. :-)

Your kids may not thank you in that moment…kids can be like that - but, someday they will.

Just something that was on my mind today…

Peace.