Tag Archive for 'marriage'

Knowing Him Best…

So, last week this was on mind mind.  Today I’ve been thinking about another important (as I see it) part of marriage…

As a mother, I pride myself in knowing my children.  I feel like I know them better than anyone else…maybe even better than they know themselves - especially when they’re young.  But, as they grow, I realize the day will come when there will be another who will know them like no one else:  the one they will share their life with…their soul mate.

Now, as a wife, I take the same pride in knowing my husband better than anyone else does.  It should be one of my top priorities.

There should be no one - no woman at work, friend from childhood, or even family member -  that knows him, really knows him…down deep, the way that I know him.

I need to know him - inside and out - what really makes him tick…his dreams, his fears, his strongest strengths and weakest weaknesses….

…there should be no one else who can be to him what I can be - because I know him like no one else on earth.

But, this process takes time.  It also takes a whole lot of effort and trust.  He must feel safe that he can be real with me - with no harsh criticism or fear of my using his transparency against him.  It’s hard to “know him” if I don’t put him first.

So, try something a little different tonight - we, as women, have a whole lot of words…way more than men have - let’s try to use those words to:  ask questions, listen to his answers, speak encouragingly, praise…praise…praise, and make him know that he can do and be anything he puts his mind to.

Women love to change men - we’re wired to want to do this.  But, most men don’t want to be changed - they just want to be the best they can be - and love, encouragement, and support are how they get there.

We have so much power, as women…so much influence - God has gifted us with this.  We just need to know how to use it to empower the men in our lives.

After all, if I don’t know my soul mate….who will?

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on September 23, 2008
in family, life, life lessons, links, love, marriage and women
. 6 Comments

Putting him first…

In light of my anniversary - almost two decades…ouch! - I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage.  I don’t pretend to have all the answers, by any means, but I guess I can share some things that I’ve learned, most often the hard way…

So, today I was thinking back to how difficult it was when my kids were little.  I’ve often said that having a newborn and a toddler in the same house is…well, it’s exhausting.  There are seasons in life - and dealing with children, at any stage, can take a toll on the most important relationship under the roof:  your marriage.

I think, as mothers, we often feel a little guilty if we let our little ones think for even a moment that they aren’t the “main attraction”.  Don’t get me wrong, a newborn will always be the center of attention - as they should be - but this is a “season”.  The danger lies in when, as our children grow, we don’t nurture our husbands with the same attention and care as we do our children.

When my four kids were little - my youngest is now seven, so he still qualifies in my book - but, when they were all little…and being home-schooled - and I was at home with them ALL DAY…EVERY DAY, I had to fight the tendency to meet Byron at the door with “his kids” that were now “his problem” since he had had the good fortune to sit in an office with adults all day….no doubt listening to soothing jazz music and eating fabulous, exotic foods whilst someone fanned him with palm frans…but I digress.

Anyway, I had to discipline myself to understand that he had his own set of stresses, and the most important thing to do when we came back together at the end of the day, was to love him…to love him enough to put him first.  And, at the same time, teach my children that putting my marriage first was also for their benefit as well.  After all, loving their dad is loving them….

…and love wins.

So, the more stressful your day has been - whether working at home, or outside the home - try a different kind of stress reduction.  Just when he expects to get the laundry list of your day, surprise him:  smile, listen, speak softly, pay attention to what he needs in that moment, make him feel safe….put him first.

And, husbands, just imagine how the evening could be if you returned the favor. :-)

Your kids may not thank you in that moment…kids can be like that - but, someday they will.

Just something that was on my mind today…

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on September 16, 2008
in life
. 4 Comments

Pressing on…

Traveling has a tendency to make me pensive…and this trip is no different.  There has been so much to process.

Byron and I took this trip to celebrate 19 years of wedded bliss :-) - and we’ve also taken advantage of the opportunity to see how other ministries function…

I’m always challenged to meet other pastors and their wives.  And it’s always good to be a “visitor” at a different church, so that I never forget what it feels like…to be a visitor. Functioning in our world…our safe little bubble can cause me to forget what it felt like to come in from the outside.

I also was reminded of why we made the transition from a highly traditional ministry to a more progressive and diverse one.

I had someone ask how our children - in light of all they’ve suffered through because of our ministry - how they have avoided resenting God, us and the church…

…before even thinking about the response I said, “They’ve understood why we’ve suffered…and at who’s hands…we just had to get them away from most of the ‘christians’ in their life”.

It just came out before I thought about it…it must have seemed odd for a pastor’s wife to need protect her children from ‘christians’, but I’ll take that any day over feeling like they have ill-feelings toward God or serving Him.  No church, christian organization, or person claiming a certain belief system should be above the honest scrutiny of a child - children recognize hypocrisy and we have to be honest…

…people screw up, God doesn’t.

So, if my kids are a little gun-shy of institutional church and surface-focused christians, there’s a reason for that.  We’re having to be honest about a lot of things in order to help them heal.

Anyway, it’s a continuing journey, and this weekend caused me to realize that I’m still healing….there are still things to overcome.  I look forward to the day when certain types of buildings or ministries don’t strike fear in my heart…

…healing will come.

Part of the process is the joy that comes from being able to experience a church like Cross Point. It was a breath of fresh air to see such authenticity and…realness.  It was exactly what I needed since I was unable to be with my beloved C3.

It’s been nice to get away - the mountains are so lovely, but I’m ready to be home.  I miss my home, my kids, my C3 - all of it.

Happy Anniversary, Babe!

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on September 15, 2008
in life
. 4 Comments

Planning Ahead…

…so, at dinner we were chatting with the kids about random stuff:

Byron: “Ethan, which would you choose for a pet?: a bird, or…

Ethan: (enthusiastically) “…or A WIFE?”

My Boys & Me

There’s a breakdown in communication somewhere - but since he’s six, he can get away with it. At least he has a happy outlook on marriage! I mean, what spells L-O-V-E to a six year old boy more than a pet? :-) We’ll keep working on the finer details…

Peace.

Published
by
angiebledsoe
on January 14, 2008
in family, fun, life, quotes and random
. 0 Comments